A Rant on my Family's Dysfunction

I've got to get this off my chest, and since I can't say this to the person to whom it needs to be said to, I'm posting it here.

Not the most effective way of communicating – I realize this – but isn't it dysfunction that makes the world go 'round?

Two of my aunts recently told my mother that I am "snooty" and "very sure of myself" and my mother told me this on a long car ride. I wasn't really sure what to say at the time, or why my mother was telling me this.

Now that I've had some time to think about it, I'm angry. I can't tell my mother everything that I want to say for a variety of reasons, so I'm going to say it here.

Here's my rant, for your enjoyment:

First of all, since when is "being sure of yourself" a BAD trait to have?
Isn't it a valuable quality – especially for women? I would rather be sure of
myself and be wrong sometimes than DOUBT myself and then be right later.

And if we're talking about personality flaws here, isn't it better to be "sure of"
yourself, as opposed to being rude, gossipy, mean, or inconsiderate?

Would you ever say to Aunt T., "I think your daughter's a little too insecure
and people don't like that."

Or would you say to Aunt F., "Your son's too quiet and comes across as
stand-offish and people don't like that."

No - you would never say these things. Why? Because they're rude comments
and you are not a rude person. I would never say these things either because
I'm not rude either. (My mom taught me to be nice to people.)

It would be one thing if I said or did something that offended Aunt F. It would
be one thing if Aunt T. felt that in my "sureness" of myself, I was putting her
daughter C. down and hurt someone's feelings. In those cases, I can totally
see my aunts talking to you about it and then you turning around and telling
me about it.

But I don't understand how they think that it's perfectly okay to just voice
their complaints about my personality to you. And I don't understand WHY
they would do that.

I have opinions about everyone in this family: aunts, uncles, and cousins. Not
all of those opinions are wonderful, positive things. Would I ever go around
and TELL those people or their parents what I REALLY think about them?
No, I wouldn't. There's no need to, and there's no benefit in doing that. The
only thing you really accomplish by doing something like that is hurting
people's feelings. And, for what? For no good reason.

So somehow it's okay for my aunts to tell you that they think I'm snooty and
too sure of myself. And then you turn around and tell me these things.

If anyone said anything critical of you or my brother to me, my first reaction
would be to defend you, whether or not I agreed with the critical comment.
Secondly, I would never turn around and TELL you or my brother what this
person said because I know that it would hurt your feelings and I wouldn't
want to do that. Especially not for comments that are so unnecessary.

Let's even give them the benefit of the doubt and say that these comments
were taken out of context. Let's assume that you were having a conversation
with them where everyone was complaining about everyone else's kids, and
that's just what they happened to say when you got around to talking about me.

Assuming that was the case, in telling me what Aunt F. and Aunt T. REALLY
think about me, what did you hope to accomplish? What POINT were you
trying to make to me?

Do you want me to just be aware of how they feel about me?
Do you want me to change my behavior to better suit them?
Do you want to hurt my feelings?

I don't understand.

Because now, I'll either have to come to terms with the fact that that's just
how they feel and get on with my life, OR when I'm around them I'll have to
review in my head what I want to say before I say it, so I don't seem snooty
or too sure of myself.

Either way, now that I know what they think, I can't really look at them the
same way.

Waxing and Dating

The woman I go to for my bikini waxes knows more about my dating life than some of my close friends. Technically, she knows more about my sex life, more than my dating life, per se.

Whether I'm dating someone or not, I go for bikini waxes on a semi-regular basis. When I see her more often than usual, she knows something's up. Especially if it's in the middle of October or sometime other than summer bathing-suit season.

Let's not even get into how much money I'm handing over to her for pouring hot wax on my privates and tearing my hair out by the root. [But it's a good kind of pain.]

I'm all for equality between the sexes and all that, but given how much time and money we women are spending on looking smooth and sultry, the least men can do is buy us dinner.

Winks and Emails and Virtual Pick-up Lines

As an active participant in the world of online dating, I found this post particularly amusing.

People can think what they want, (especially those of you who don't live here) but it is difficult to meet people that you might actually want to date in this "chicken coop for humans."

I Must Have Mono...

...Otherwise why else would I have passed on a perfectly good booty call tonight?

I had mono once. It was the fall of my senior year in college and I was running myself even more ragged than usual. Luckily, it turned out to be the most mild case of mono that anyone had ever seen – I wasn't any more tired than I usually was, in fact, I was more energetic because I was forcing myself to get all this extra sleep due to the mono diagnosis. Friends didn't believe me and thought I was making the mono thing up, until they saw that I didn't have a single sip of alcohol when we were out at the local bars.

My best friend/roommate at the time told me that she knew she had mono in high school when she was too tired to go see her most favorite band in concert. (It was the Spin Doctors at the time.) Her mother knew she wasn't feeling well, but never expected her to pass on the concert. It was all she had been talking about for the past two weeks. But when the poor girl came into the kitchen and told her mom that she was just too tired to go, her mom realized her daughter was really sick and promptly made a doctors appointment for the next day.

I must be going through something similar. I must have mono!

The guy I'm casually dating (let's call him BMW) called me tonight on his way home from dinner and drinks with some friends. We haven't gotten together in more than two weeks, mainly because I was out of the town the last two weekends and his work schedule has been insane the past couple weeks. I had just spoken to him the other day, so I knew he wasn't calling to chat. He was totally fishing for an invite. I played oblivious. Then I played coy. I didn't want to blow my chances for a future booty call, but I really had no desire for him to come over tonight.

Maybe not the strangest behavior, EXCEPT for the fact that I have been so insanely horny the past couple days (my period is coming on Monday and I always get really horny right before) and I still passed on the booty call! I've been 'taking care of myself' like crazy the past few days – I've been that horny. And I was sort of hoping he would call and come over to satisfy these lustful cravings, but when it came down to it, I passed.

I know – there must be something wrong here, right?

The sex between me and BMW is by no means bad. I wouldn't describe it as mind-blowing, but it's certainly above average. Sometimes it's pretty dam hot actually. The thing is, I just don't like him enough.

He's a great guy, but I only like him.

I don't like him like him.

And I know that everyone can go on forever with the whole 'sex is a physical act and doesn't have to be emotional' bit, but for me, sex is so much better when you're really into the person you're doin' it with. Otherwise, after I come, I don't care if he gets off – I just want him to get off of me.

I'm sooo over you. (Except that I'm not.)

It's been more than 9 months since Ex and I broke up.

I'd like to think that I'm over him. I tell people that I am.

But the truth is, I'm not.

I miss him. A lot.

This week I keep thinking about how we used to lay in bed at night together, in the minutes just before falling asleep. I miss it. Little kisses. Nuzzling. Talking about plans for the next day. Smiles. A little laughter. A tangle of arms and legs.

Better than a Wonka Bar?

For reasons that I won't go into right now, yesterday I received a box full of 20 miniature "Take 5" candy bars.



The promotional paperwork accompanying my box of treats claimed that Take5 is the best candy bar ever.

Hmmm... That's quite a title.

But after three bites (the whole thing only took me four) I concur — this IS the best candy bar ever.



Imagine peanut butter, caramel, and peanuts layered over pretzels, and the whole thing is covered in smooth, sweet milk chocolate.

Yum.

Does Dear Dana Depart??

I'm a little obsessed with The L-Word.

Is Dana going to die?!?! I'm not sure I can wait until Sunday night to find out!

And all the gossip I can dig up is very inconclusive.

Argh...